My partner yesterday asked me “could you have an open relationship”
The first thing that came to my head was “My god their cheating”. I went onto say i could never have an open relationship. The thought of them with somebody else made my skin crawl. And what if this other person became a more important person in there life then myself?. I once new a couple in Brighton, England whom were a gay couple and had an open relationship, i found myself wondering, how does that work? do they take turns or what?
Now, I’m all into being open minded, i think we as human beings should all try something once, But being able to sleep with someone else and have permission to do it… is that drawing the line? what ever happened to commitment. Is an open relationship just a way of saying you could never be committed to one person?
I have to say when my partner told me i became a bit worried that they were starting to get bored. After all when your only 21 the thought of only ever having one sexual partner from now on is a worrying feeling, in a way your youth is over when it has barely just began.
Out of curiosity this morning i looked into finding out whether open relationships was a popular thing to do. What i found was not whether its a cool thing to do but something more scientific. I found that monogamous relationships are acturly unnatural. Scientific research has shown that people are not a faithful specious, unlike swans that mate for life, humans are more like slutty penguins.
So maybe an open relationship is the way forward?
I would not say that an open relationship is the way forward, Humans have feelings, and the feeling of thinking your partner is spending to much time with another person would lead to doubt over the relationship. But if scientific studies have shown human’s naturally want more then one partner then what of Love? does it simply not exist? Well of course love is real, but it is possible to fall in love with more then one person.
This ruins my hope, i have always been a true romantic and have always argued a belief that we all have a soul some place in the world. But once again science has thrown dirt over another belief.
I think in the end it all boils down to what sort of person you are, are you and guilty person? Or are you guilt’s free spirited cousin selfish? an open relationship would only ever work if you are both committed and very honest with each other since an open relationship can turn into a full blown affair very easily.
It would be a lie to say you Don’t fancy anyone else rather then your partner and maybe if the time raised, such as at a work party after a few vodkas you might even come to these feelings. But normally when your not under the influence of anything… or anyone your mind has been trained to make sure you stay focused on the person you are with. Your brain will continue to released the love chemical as long as you don’t stray of and start falling for somebody else.
So maybe when your partner expresses a wish for an open relationship its time to start thinking, is this right for me?
I think the scary thing is that when your partner wants an open relationship it means they want there cake and they want to eat every last crumb. There still madly in love with you but want to test drive a few others. I don’t think that is a good thing. My heart aces at the sheer thought.
But its better then cheating right?
Yes, Its a lot better the cheating, but isn’t it just cheating with permission? what if you agree to it and your partner gets more action then you? when does the line draw at when it turns into cheating?
The bottom line is that an open relationship is not for everyone, most defiantly not for me. There are of course pros and cons, a lot of them, but in the end its what sort of person you are. Are you faithful, committed, or always looking for sex?. But for now i can safely say I’m not about to tell my partner I’m off out to find meaningless sex when my partner is there and whom I’m meant to love. Just my personal feeling.
One Last Thought,..
I love open minded people i think if you can have an open relationship and be happy, make it work then that’s fantastic, great even. I think if i was going to embark on this adventure i would have to deal with a lot of insecurity of my own. Trust is a big issue.